ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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