Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
