I am spending my child support on dildos
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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