Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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