you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
