dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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