She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
