Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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