Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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