It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
