I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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