...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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