Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
