do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
