She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
