i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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