Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
