True but thats because hes a fetus.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
