I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
