so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
