Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
