Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
