i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
