Yo dont text me then not text me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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