Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
