i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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