Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
