i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
