I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
