He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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