Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
