So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
