What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
