Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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