they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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