so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
