he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
