Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
