I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize