All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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