Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
