we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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