Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
