she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
