I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
