I must be too annoying 4 u.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
