he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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