they need to just BURY HIM!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
