You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
