By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I won the penis lottery.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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