Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This baby is an asshole
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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