I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
