he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
