im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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