I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize