You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?