My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...