oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.