You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
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My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo