I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
