You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
