I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
