Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
