Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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