she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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