i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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