I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
