I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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