wanna go halves on a baby?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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