Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Boobs speak an international language.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
